REFUSION
...... The returning
of awareness
into my body.
I feel - myself breathing.
I feel - cold stone beneath me.
I feel - the pressure of T'Lar's hand on my head and
my consciousness increasing.
My intelligence - returning.
My memory - returning.
Gradually. Little by little.
I am Spock. Spock of Vulcan.
I feel a warm atmosphere around me.
Home. I am home. On Mount Seleya.
Remembered pain! My body - being torn apart! Agony!
But now - no pain. My strength - returning.
I destroyed my body - to save the ship.
Jim! Jim? Yes, he is near, he is here.
McCoy - still lying across from me.
I saw - all that has occurred - through his eyes, through his consciousness.
Fascinating.
The Genesis world - regenerated my body - and now, the Refusion of my katra from McCoy's brain to mine.
It will take - some time - for T'Lar to complete the process. Ah! I see, from McCoy's memory, the Enterprise - exploding by Jim's command. She is no more. But they all live. A fair trade. There will be other Starships.
---oo0oo---
Now, at last, the Refusion is complete. I feel - strong. I am one again. The Adepts lead me away and they ceremonially divest me of my burial robe. I don the Refusion Robe, covering my head with its cowl. I can feel - Jim - anxious, worrying, pacing, concerned about McCoy, about me.
My father approaches. I formally salute him in the Vulcan manner which acknowledges both my respect for him as my father and his exalted position in the community. By this action he recognises immediately that I am fully restored.
His face is an unemotional mask but, in his eyes, I see - relief, happiness and wonder that I live. He lifts his hand to my head and I allow him to enter my mind in order that he may confirm that all is well. Satisfied, he releases me and says "My son, Jim Kirk brought you back. He has been a unique friend. Those who stand with him assisted him. Go to them, now."
I turn away and walk with the Adepts down the Steps of Mount Seleya, towards Jim. Beneath my cowl, I see him watching as I approach. He is unsure. My head bowed, hands clasped, I slowly walk past him, then I feel his mental cry of my special name - the name that only he may call me - T'hy'la. I stop. Slowly turn round. Remove my cowl and stand in front of him. He is still unsure. I see, behind him, all the crew who have sacrificed so much that I may stand here, before them, now. I slowly walk down the line, like an officer reviewing his troops, seeing expectancy, puzzlement and uncertainty in all their faces. Saavik - I feel her mind-touch. You comforted my raging body when I was helpless, and you did this willingly, without a mind-bond. I owe you my life after my rebirth. I shall not forget. Scott - you, as did Jim, had to watch your beloved Enterprise die in a blaze of glory. I grieve with you all at the demise of the Enterprise. Uhura - you had to defy Starfleet and escape to the sanctuary given you by my father here on Vulcan. Sulu and Chekov - you both have endangered your future Starfleet careers to help Jim. And McCoy, tapping your head and smiling at me - yes, I know it was you who 'had all my marbles', as you so succinctly put it. I regret what I had to put you through, but I really had no alternative.
The destruction of the Enterprise is the end of an era. But this moment, for all of us, is the beginning of a new, exciting (for you humans) era in which we all have an integral part to play.
I turn again to Jim. He has sacrificed the most for me - his son, his ship and possibly his career. He is submerging his grief as he looks into my eyes, searchingly. My father has told him, not to raise his hopes too high, that my total recovery will take time. I do not wish him to make an emotional scene in public, so I choose my first words to him carefully to subdue him. "I know you, do I not?"
"And I, you." he replies, a slight withdrawal in his eyes, his stance. I know he wants to embrace me, but there will be a time for that soon enough, in private, so I say "My father says you have been my friend - that you came back for me."
"You would have done the same for me."
Indeed. I see - disappointment in his eyes. I will ask him "Why would you do this?"
He searches for the right words to say. "Because the needs of the one outweighed the needs of the many."
.Ah, yes, our discussion in my cabin. I turn away slightly, trying to appear puzzled, but I cannot deceive him longer -I feel - such love - emanating from him, from them all -for me. I raise my head, as if listening to an inner voice and, remembering, say "I have been - and ever shall be -your friend."
"Yes! Yes, Spock!"
I see such joy on his face, in his eyes, that I have great difficulty in not allowing him to embrace me, as he is so desperate to do. No. Later, my friend.
Although I know the fate of the Enterprise, I shall reiterate my question that I asked him before, as I was dying - "The ship - out of danger?"
"You saved the ship, Spock. You saved us all. Don't you remember?"
Yes, I remember, and, to let you know all will be well, I shall say, with feeling: "Jim! Your name - is Jim!"
The look of relief on his face, on all their faces, was worth the wait. ow, at last, as they encircle me, laughing, crying and laughing again (emotional humans!), reaching out to touch me, I know that I am truly home.