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VIGIL
As I enter the Klingon ship's sickbay I see Bones in the dim light, head bowed, eyes closed, hands clasped as if in prayer (maybe he is praying), sitting beside the still, prone figure of Spock. I move towards him - them - but Bones does not hear me. "Bones." I say, as softly as I can so as not to frighten him.
"What? Oh, hi, Jim." His voice is strained, immeasurably tired. "He's - deeply unconscious Jim. There's - nothing I can do for him, right now. Amazing that his body has had the strength to live through that rapid ageing process. "I ..." Exhaustion is taking its toll on him.
"Bones, go lie down awhile - you have a big day ahead of you tomorrow when we get to Vulcan. I'll - sit with him for a while."
"Yeah, guess you're right, Jim, but it - hurts - the further I am away from him."
"I know, Bones, but maybe it'll be all right - tomorrow. Go and rest now."
Slowly I see Bones rising, always looking into Spock's unconscious face, reaching out, suddenly, to touch him, but drawing his hand away at the last moment. Without another word, he turns and walks away and I move to sit down on the still - warm seat beside Spock's living body.
Spock, Spock. What miracle is this that has brought you back to me? What I have been through these last few weeks since you - died - so that we might live is as nothing to what you have endured. That agonising moment when Scotty and Bones restrained me, Scotty saying, brutally, "Sir, he's dead already ..." Dead already ... dead already ... how that dreadful phrase echoes still in my mind.
Why didn't you tell me, before you died, what you had done to Bones? ... Oh, yes, maybe that's the reason - that which was left of you after transferring your katra would have no knowledge of what had gone before, as the sum of your life and knowledge was already within Bones' brain - what was left must have been on - automatic pilot, if you like - and you could not tell me. As far as you were concerned, your solution to the Kobayashi Maru was the continuation of your katra - you had no conception of living again ... or had you? For my birthday you gave me a First Edition of 'A Tale of Two Cities'. Why did you choose that particular, very special book? Did you sidestep the issue when I asked you if there was a message in the gift? Was it because the two protagonists were so like - us? One who belonged totally to one country, the other with roots in two? And, when Sydney Carton chose to die in place of Charles Darnay, it was because he loved Darnay, his wife and family - as you - love - us? But then, the most remarkable analogy of them all - was not Dr Manette 'Recalled to Life' from his imprisonment, and did he not suffer from loss of memory, as Sarek tells me you may do - even if the Refusion is successful? How much of all this did you know was going to happen, my friend?
You died - so nobly, with such bravery and dignity. I hope that, when my time comes, it will be like that for me. And later, in Sickbay, as I dressed you in your Vulcan burial robe and placed you in the photon tube (I would have no other do it, my friend, even although I had to wear a radiation suit as your body was still glowing in a halo of radioactivity), I felt the tears come as I looked on your face for what I was so sure was the last time. And now, as I reach out and clasp your warm, unfeeling hand and touch your tousled hair, I feel the tears come again - tears of joy, of wonderment, at what Carol and my son David created which has brought you back to me. David, my son David, who gave his life so that you and Saavik could live. What am I going to tell Carol? It seems as if - she had a premonition that something like this would happen. Oh, gods! Give me the strength to face her ... And my ship - my beautiful ship ... you died so that the Enterprise would be safe, and now ... But, you would say, it was the logical thing to do, and so it was. It evened the odds, gave us all a chance to live ... but there will be no coming back for David.
I do not know - what tomorrow will bring. I do not know -whether Bones and you will survive. I can only hope and pray that, tomorrow on Mount Seleya, the miracle will be complete and that you will again stand by my side, where you belong, where you will always belong. But, until then, I will gladly and willingly keep this lonely vigil.
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