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CHOICES
Captain James T Kirk sat in the upholstered comfort of the new 'Enterprise's' con seat, the familiar, yet slightly different, sounds of the Bridge systems humming around him. He fingered with impatience the seal of his new mission's orders, not to be opened until they cleared the solar system, then put it in a pocket inside his uniform. He looked around the Bridge, at his officers and friends, as they worked with silent efficiency at their posts. Then he looked towards Spock, who was running diagnostic checks to familarise himself with his new computers, and Kirk's mind filled with wonder and joy again at the simple fact that Spock was there, where he belonged, the image of the terrible moment on the old 'Enterprise' when he turned to find an empty chair still fresh in his memory.
McCoy strolled in after inspecting his new hospital facilities, and silently, contentedly, stood by Kirk's shoulder, watching the familiar, but always breathtakingly beautiful, sight of the planets slipping by, one by one. McCoy's presence brought Kirk out of his reverie. "Oh, hi, Bones. Have you got a moment?"
"Yeah, sure, Jim-boy." drawled McCoy, smilingly. Kirk looked over again to Spock, sitting for a rare moment with his hands folded. "Mr Spock, are you free?"
Spock swivelled in his chair. "Yes, Captain, I have completed the diagnostics run and await further orders."
"Good, good. There's - something - that I want to say to you both - in my cabin, please? Mr Sulu, you have the con." The door of the turbolift swished closed behind them.
Kirk's cabin was sparsely decorated. All his mementos had been destroyed with the old 'Enterprise'. Kirk led Spock and McCoy through to his living area.
"Spock, Bones, come in, sit down. There's something that I want to say to you both. We have all come through terrible times - terrible times. Although the court martial has vindicated us, I don't want either of you to feel guilt or remorse at the consequences of the Genesis affair. A chain of events was set in motion that gave me no alternatives but to act in the way I did.
"David, my son - David. He - chose his own death, to save you, Spock, and Saavik. I could not have chosen between the three of you, but he must have considered himself the most expendable. A truly heroic choice.
"I had no choice, either, in exploding the 'Enterprise' - by blowing her up, I narrowed the odds against our survival to an acceptable level.
"I also had no choice in coming back for you, Spock, I knew you were still alive - that's why I felt young again as we first left the Genesis system. Our bond link was unbroken - I felt you were near. I don't know why I didn't realise sooner what you had done to Bones before your father gave me the clue - but why didn't you tell me in the moments before you died? Anyway, it doesn't matter now. I just want you both to know - I have no regrets."
Spock and McCoy sat silent, heads bowed, for a few seconds, then Bones spoke up.
"Jim, Spock, I guess - there're a coupla things I'd like to say, too. Uh, talkin' about choices - I reckon I didn't have much of a choice in events, either. Spock, you green-blooded son of a Vulcan, you sure didn't give me a choice whether or not to receive your katra. An' Spock, th' next time you give me that blasted neck pinch, will ya make sure you've cut your goddam fingernails first? It still hurts!
"I thought I was goin' mad with grief at your death, Spock, till Jim told me what you had done to me.
"An' then T'lar, givin' me the option to take, or not to take, the Refusion Ceremony. Now, what kinda a choice was that, hey?
"But I want you both to know that, despite what I've been through, it was worth it. If you had given me the choice whether or not to receive your katra, Spock, I would still have accepted it, had you had the time to explain. I'm glad you entrusted your katra with me, and glad to have you back, you pointy-eared goblin, all in one piece, and with all your Vulcan marbles back where they belong, at last. No, my friends, I, too, have no regrets." McCoy's blue eyes looked at his two friends steadily.
Spock sighed. "Jim, McCoy, I, too, must speak. From the moment Khan set off the detonator on the Genesis device, I had no choice. I could not choose to avoid my death, but I did choose whether or not you all would die with me, or that I should be the only casualty. Only I could have gone in to effect the repairs in time and get the warp drive on line to save the ship. There was no time to find a radiation suit, and no option but to entrust you with my katra and hope that a solution would be found. You ask why I did not tell you what I had done to McCoy, Jim.
Quite simply, I could not. I had only left enough memory in my dying body to effect the repairs - the rest of my intellect was already lodged in McCoy. Therefore, that part I had left of myself did not know what the separated part of my katra had done. I had to watch my body die through McCoy's eyes and experience his turbulent emotions.
"So you see, I had no choice but to die, but had I had the choice, I would do the same thing again. It was my duty to Starfleet, and my duty to all on the 'Enterprise'. I thank you both for coming back for me, and for your patience with I re-discovered my identity. Incidentally, it was I, through McCoy, who programmed my coffin to soft-land on Genesis. Regret is an emotion I am unfamiliar with."
For a timeless moment the three men sat looking intently at each other, and then Spock, his voice very deep, very gentle, said: "Jim, T'hy'la?"
Kirk jerked his head in surprise and recognition of the very personal form of address, a smile of happiness spreading across his face. It was the first time in many years that Spock had used the name. "Yes, Spock?"
"There is something that I would like to do, with your permission. You have both endured much in order that I may live again, and there is a special gift I would give to McCoy." Turning to McCoy, Spock continued: "You are aware of what the title 'T'hy'la' means?"
"Yes, Spock - you and Jim are bond brothers."
"We are. What you have endured on my behalf compels me to request that you, too, become T'hy'la to me. As you are aware, a part of my katra is permanently lodged in your mind, as yours is in mine. I would like to complete the bonding, as it will ease your acceptance of the situation. May I do this?"
"I think that's an excellent idea, Spock." agreed Kirk.
"Waaaaait a cotton pickin' minute!" McCoy stood quickly and backed away from Spock as he advanced, fingers extended. "I've had quite enough of Vulcan mind-melds, thank you very much. I nearly went clean off my bippy, remember? If I have another damn refusion session, I probably will!"
"Bones - Bones!" entreated Kirk. "Don't be afraid. I can assure you, you will have - no regrets!"
"Permit me to explain the consequences of bond brotherhood, McCoy." said Spock, moving away from him discretely. "We shall share a three-way bond link, each being permanently aware of the others' proximity and existence. The link will exist beyond death ..."
"Beyond death?" exclaimed McCoy.
"Indeed. As would have happened to me, after bodily demise my katra would have been lodged in the Hall of Ancient Thought, where I would join with my ancestors. I offer you immortality, McCoy. Together we can explore beyond Infinity."
"Together?"
"The three of us - as one."
"Can I think it over? It's the most important choice I'll ever have to make."
"Can I make a suggestion, Bones? Spock, give him a surface meld to tune his mind to ours."
Spock raised an inquisitive eyebrow towards McCoy. "It's not gonna flake me out again, is it?"
"No, McCoy, I can assure you it will not."
McCoy looked at them both, saw eagerness on Jim's face, patience on Spock's. He made his decision.
"Weeeell, okay, go ahead." and he apprehensively submitted himself to Spock's gentle touch.
Kirk saw him flinch as Spock's powerful intellect made contact, but he quickly relaxed and, slowly, a smile spread across his face. Slowly, Spock withdrew the contact and McCoy opened eyes wide with wonder.
"Spock, Jim, I had no idea it was like that. How - beautiful. And you want me to join you?"
"We do." Kirk and Spock spoke in unison.
"Well, then, what're we waitin' for?" grinned McCoy.
Spock mentally prepared himself for a moment, then placed his left hand on McCoy's face and his right hand on Kirk's.
A few minutes later, as Spock and McCoy rose to leave, Kirk asked "No regrets, Bones?"
A big smile lit McCoy's face as he stood on the threshold, both of Kirk's cabin and of a new, fuller existence. "No, Jim, Spock, no regrets."
---oo0oo---
THE END
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