With sincere apologies to Sir W S Gilbert
As someday it may happen there's a Klingon Hunt around,
I've got a little list - I've got a little list -
Of anti-social Trekkers who at Cons crawl out the ground
And who never would be missed - who never would be missed!
There's the pestilential nuisances who'd kill for autographs,
They have penetrating voices and George Takei laughs;
Who know lines of every episode and bore you with them flat
And walk round Trek Conventions clutching close a toy sehlat
Then drag you to room parties, your attendance they insist;
They'd none of 'em be missed, they'd none of 'em be missed.
There's the filksong serenader and the other of that race
The yellow bananaist - I've got him on the list;
And people who eat plomeek soup and wear a Vulcan face;
They never would be missed, they never would be missed!
They come from far and near dressed up in Starfleet uniform,
Or maybe they're a tribble, Klingon, Romulan or Gorn;
They wear these silly baseball caps complete with pointed ears
And every time they watch Trek II come out in floods of tears
And if you call Spock 'Doctor' in your face you get a fist;
They'd none of 'em be missed, they'd none of 'em be missed.
There's the Nisi Prius nuisance who just now is rather rife
The fanzine novelist, I've got her on the list;
And the K/S fan who doesn't want poor Spock to have a wife,
They'd none of 'em be missed, they'd none of 'em be missed.
There's the idiot who speaks to you with compromising tone
Talking of the actors as if all their lives she owned.
She says that she knows thing-moy-bob and also Sh... you-know-who
The task of filling up the blanks I'd rather leave to you,
For it really doesn't matter who you put on the hit list,
They'd none of 'em be missed, they'd none of 'em be missed.
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